“If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” Lao Tzu
Happy International Happiness Day!!! Ok, so this feels like a very odd post to be posting today as I know there are so many of us that aren’t feeling happy. In such an uncertain time there doesn’t seem much to feel good about let alone happy but please don’t give up get, stay safe, keep your family safe and please look after your mental health it’s important.
Switch social media off!!
A difficult one I know but if anything is going to get us through the next few months it’s going to be learning to step away from our phones and social media even if it’s just for an hour day. A week into what could be a long journey I can already feel my mental health being affected from social media, there is so much negativity happening right now in the world and we are exposed to it all. We are literally being bombarded with news and horror stories every second of the day. I have decided to restrict my use of social media. I am not looking between the hours of 7pm and 10pm which doesn’t seem like a lot but it’s already improving my mood and sleep pattern.
Ask for help.
I am an eternal optimist however there are times when I can’t get myself out of a bad mood or crying mood. Over time I have learnt to ask for help, even if I just ask someone to listen to me or sit with me while I cry. There is no shame in asking for help, your are not a burden to the people around you. You are a beautiful human who doesn’t need to carry the weight of the world around with you.
Learn to let go.
I realise this isn’t as easy as just letting go you don’t just wake up one morning and let go there’s a real art to learn in regards to this and once you do, then you will be incredibly happy. Key points of learning to let go is learning to address the problem, did something negative happen because of you, did you impact it in some way and if you did you need to look at how you can resolve it. However, if something happened to you, something that there’s no way you could have changed. You couldn’t change another person’s behaviour or situation then you have to learn to let that go. Ultimately you cannot change another person’s attitude or feelings in the same way you can’t change a situation that’s out of your control so ultimately what do you gain by holding onto something that you cannot control. The answer is absolutely nothing you need to let go not just for your own inner peace and happiness but for your mental health. If there is a situation that you cannot change or a person you cannot change then you have to realise you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own.
Learn to forgive quickly
Whether you get an apology or not you have to learn to forgive and again this comes back to your inner happiness and your inner peace. It’s a sad fact of life that you are not always going to get an apology, some people won’t even explain why they did what they did to you let alone apologise for it. But this is about their character, not yours if someone doesn’t want to apologise that’s nothing to do with you that is 100% their character it is who they are. And it does become super important to learn to forgive one of my favourite quotes is “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. If someone has hurt you and they’ve not tried to fix it then you have to understand they meant to hurt you and that is a horrible thing to have to come to deal with but unfortunately I’m going to guess 9 times out 10 that’s the truth so if they purposely hurt you the chances are they are not going to apologize they’ve got no need to apologise because in their mind what they’ve done is justified. Do not let another person’s actions or lack of actions hurt your peace or your happiness forgive whether that is you want to forgive that person to their face, if you want to write them an email or even if you just want to write it on a piece of paper and put it away in a draw. Do whatever it takes for you to get a peaceful closure.
Start the day with positive words.
If you start the day in a negative way such as saying I don’t want to go to work today I can’t be bothered with this meeting then how do you ever expect the day to turn into a positive day. In these situations you have to say I know today is going to be a challenge but I can make the most of this, if you know the first half of your day is going to be a particularly bad day or a particularly rough one then why not say that after that period is ended, I’m going to treat myself and whether that is to dinner out with friends or simply a long hot bath at the end of the day it gives you something positive to focus on.
Ok so this is not about not complaining of course even I complain but it is about turning that negative into a positive if you don’t like your job change it. If you’re unhappy in your relationship then look at everything that is making you unhappy and change them if you can, if you want to. If not, realise you have the power to walk away from it. And I realise this is extremely difficult to do and so many people say it could be worse but the truth is it really could be worse. Every single morning you wake up with a roof over your head and a purpose in your life then you should consider yourself extremely lucky there are probably millions of people in this world that would actually kill to have that small bit of luxury that you take for granted. And the best example of not complaining I can give is yes you’re on the motorway you stuck in two hours of traffic and I’m always good at remembering yes it might be 2 hours later but least you’re going to get home, at the end of all the traffic there may be a person that won’t be going home that day, that w, unfortunately, be seeing their loved ones ever again. I think it’s so important to remember these small little things.
Realise your happiness is in your own hands.
There is literally no one in this world that can actually make you happier than you can make yourself. After all, you are your longest relationship. I know it sounds cliche but if you aren’t happy or love yourself then you can’t expect anyone to. And it’s not about the happiness or love that another person has for you, it is about recognising and identifying what really makes you feel happy and feel loved and setting that bar to the standard that you feel comfortable with and having another person raise their bar to meet you. It is not about bringing your happiness down to meet theirs when you do this, is where you become unhappy and unfulfilled. And of course, there are going to be days where you feel unhappy even the happiest person in the world has these days but it’s down to you in these days to bring yourself up. It’s also important recognising the people and situations that compromise your happiness and being able to say I deserve better. And it’s ok to walk away from those people and those situations in order to protect your happiness because again you are your longest relationship.