Day three is where the holiday got a bit messy and a lot emotional! So the end started like the morning before, I left off to explore alone. I jumped on a town and headed over to Haarlem for the morning, again my expectations didn’t match what I was met with, man I’m really down on the Netherlands. Although I did see my first windmill so the morning wasn’t a total loss.

Not to stereotype but I did think I would see more than one windmill on my trip, not that the one I did see wasn’t beautiful, just thought there would be more. Haarlem was so quiet, I don’t think I saw more than 10 people during the whole morning. I would 100% recommand visting places outside of Amsterdam, the trains are bloody wonderful, clean, cheap and run regullary. If I had been there longer I would have like to see Rotterdam too.

Alex asked if I wanted to go the science museum with him and I felt bad so decided to go along, now if you are wanting to take the broken pieces of your own heart and put them into a blender until they are a puree than I highly recommend spending time the ex that you still love. However, if you are smarter than me, avoid these situations at all costs. Now it’s not that there is any hate between us and I honestly wish him all the happiness in the world for his future but the little things will kill you. Simple things like no longer holding hands or leaning on him in a queue the changes to these little moments between two people that once were will destroy you.

Luckily the science museum was five floors of everything being interactive, yes I queued with kids to try everything and anything! I may have even considered knocking kids out of the way to try some of the experiments. Hey, it was that or accidental reaching for the exes hand so I am sure you can forgive me.

We were there a few hours, however upon leaving I said I needed a few hours on my own and boy did I. I needed to do some more walking and clear my mind, the sudden realisation of the fact we were no longer together was far more than I could cope with so I need to go anywhere. At this point I even considered just flying home, throwing in the towel and admitting I wasn’t as strong as I pretended to be.

Kinda loving the green tint! who knew green was my colour!

I must have walked again for hours, I wasn’t angry more confused a big part of me wished I just stayed home and lost the money but then I still had hope. And hope is a dangerous thing, it would have been better to say home and just block everything but you know me, I have to relive things at least a dozen times before I learn.

One of our plans when we booked the holiday was to get a tattoo together, during my walking I stumbled upon a tattoo shop and on the off chance that they had a free slot and popped. It must have been fate because they had space right there and then and I knew exactly what I wanted.

All my tattoos are about a loss or a negative experience I have been through, it’s my way of turning something into a positive experience. And the second I walked into the tattooist I knew there was only one tattoo that I want. “This morning, with her, having coffee” It was how Johnny Cash described his idea of paradise and possibly the most fitting tattoo for the situation I was in. It will also serve as a daily reminder to settle for nothing less in my love life.

I left the tattoo shop with a new sense of calm and happiness like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulder. I practically skipped down the street, granted that feeling didn’t last long but I didn’t know that at the time!

I skipped through the streets and headed off to dinner before having an early night, the days were exhausting both physically and mentally that I wasn’t really feeling the going out at night vibes. I was happy to just have a long hot shower and curl up in bed alone watching telly. I am a massive fan of sleep when I am feeling a little down, its nice to shut my brain off for a little while and enjoy the peace.